I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
