fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
