dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
