dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize