remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
