I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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