so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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