woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
