You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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