it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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