hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
