Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
