This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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