I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Screwed.edu
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
