There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
