Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
