If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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