I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
