I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
