Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.