I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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