you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.