Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
