I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would fuck him just for his dog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
