All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
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how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.