____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
