I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
