so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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