I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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