the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
