I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
