I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
