Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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