So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
