Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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