just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
