not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
