is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
