I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
