what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
