so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
