My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
