To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
