he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i will never coherently bang her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
