Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
