There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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