You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
