I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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