note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
