Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
