Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
