i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
