just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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