he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize