I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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