Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
