Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
