Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
