a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
