We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
