I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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