having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
