Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
