My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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