Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
