wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
