i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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