I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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