I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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