You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
