I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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