porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
